The teenagers of today are our world's future but are we shaping them the right way, to produce a better tomorrow? It's been long time coming, as my passion for youth is a deep one and my thoughts are at most times sorrowful, when I consider the trending patterns of our young people. I'm not that old myself but I'm old enough to compare and contrast, the various differences between my teen years and now. It's fitting to say here and now, that if it was not for my mother's impactful guidance, I would have definitely been a part of the 'statistic'. Thankfully, I've been exonerated from the 'failed teenager' numbers and in so doing, I hope to educate a lot of parents and children (because teenagers are children) about creating an individual of substance, effectively changing the perspectives of our world. I'd ask any reader who thinks that such a goal is wishful thinking, to excuse themselves from such an article as this. That simply points to the correctness of my evaluation, showing that such a person is with out the inept ability to be constructive. Aside from that, I want us to look at how the things are said or taught to teens about dating, inhibits their relationship and overall, life's experiences.
- Self- love: It's important to note that teenagers emulate what they see their parents do. In the case of a girl, she'll adapt the mannerisms of her mother and the same, if it's a boy. I'm not bashing parents when I say this but if a mother is so absorbed in her husband, solely loving him, forgetting to reserve some love and appreciation for herself; her teenage daughter is automatically going to feel obligated to give her all to her boyfriend, with the incorrect notion, thinking that doing that makes her the 'perfect girlfriend'. Another agonizing part that aches me, is to see the perfect gentleman, totally engrossed in his girlfriend to the point where he becomes her 'dog' and he suddenly gets the pushed around because he's so 'loyal'.
SOLUTION - Parent's ought to explain and portray that loving another person as your spouse is incredible but you can't forget yourself in the process. God forbid, if parents are showing this incorrectly to the point of forgetting to dress well or even comb their hair! What do you think the children are going to follow? Teach teenagers the absolute fact; "You have to love God and yourself FIRST, before you can attempt loving anyone else". The reality is, loving a spouse completely is a beautiful thing but showing that you reserve and give importance to one's self is crucial in knowing what you're worth and what you deserve.
- Personal Development: A lesson in personal development never goes to waste because it only adds to confidence. There is a difference between shaping a confident teenager and a proud one. Again, if parents are not exuding confidence in their relationship, then they're going to have a hard time teaching it to a child. A mother or a father who's educationally and physically un-ambitious, rubs off on a the rest of the family. It creates the atmosphere for dead things and meaningless feelings. The last thing any parent should want to do to a teenager, is to make him/her feel worthless. So, a father who walks through the door after work and fails to confidently walk up to his wife and greet her and genuinely ask about her day; only teaches his child that a man does not have to do that because he already has the woman. A mother who sheepishly approaches her husband being unable to command his attention by her stance and the tone of her voice; only teaches her child that women ought to fear men and that men are kings.
SOLUTION - Goal setting, is vital in this lesson because it helps an individual to realize their value so a simple task like weight- loss or working on communication skills can really boost a teenager's stance and approach to the opposite sex. Teach a teenager, "When you give respect, expect it in return and if it's not returned, do not tolerate it". To gain confidence through personal development can only add to your child, giving him/her a sense of individualism. It keeps our young men from growing with the concept, that being a 'thug' makes you a man and scores you points with women and it exemplifies to young ladies, that being 'hoochie' puts you up for sale and rewards you with fatherless children.
- Don't rush the brush or you'd get painted on: Seems like everywhere I turned in my high school, everyone had a boyfriend. I was in no way jealous because at age thirteen, I knew I didn't know enough about boys and my focus was on good grades. Besides that, I loved to be engaged in all the girl talk and laugh at all the foolishness the 'explored' girls would say. That was then, in 2014 every girl that age, has a boyfriend. However, that's the nightmare of almost every parent and clearly, they do not know how to deal with it. Sometimes, the 'parent to child talk' isn't constant and isn't real enough. I know most mothers think that they ought to be their teen's friend but that's the big problem. At thirteen and fourteen, they need you to be parent and guide them, not a friend and then bully them. This is the age where boys are like hawks and girls, their prey and if you can't equip your child with a defense mechanism, you'd be a grandparent in a quick second.
SOLUTION - I know for all parents, this is a ticklish age but obtaining and getting continuous respect throughout this phase, begins from a child's first year. Discipline does not only define punishments or 'whippings', discipline embodies the lesson of right from wrong and understanding that, the parent knows best. To this day, I hold this saying to my heart and it simply says what my mother taught me from a child to now. Teach a teenager, "A fool learns from his own mistake but the wise, always learns from the mistake of others". It may seem as though you're teaching your child to be fearful and afraid of risks but you have to realistically show a child the mistakes of other teens their age and make parallel the shame and set backs their actions caused. At this point, your teen's defence mechanism is the awareness and reality that the opposite sex is after their most treasured possession and it's important to hold on to it for the person who truly deserves it, their husband/wife.
- Sex is NOT Love: This is where leading by example is really important because some parents haven't even learnt this themselves. Being married or in a common-law union doesn't mean that you're exempt from feeling used, sexually and constantly succumbing to such behaviour, puts you in a weird position to teach a child to do different. The big misconception for teenagers, is that they feel if they're in a relationship and they're not having sex; it means that they don't love their boy/girlfriend and it's not a meaningful relationship. This myth is plaguing our youths and pressuring them into acts of fornication, confusion, exposure to STDs & STIs and strict use of contraceptives. However scary this may sound, it's reality and teenagers have yet to fully grasp the picture of it all. If parents display a power struggle with each other and flip- flops to show acts of affection to sugarcoat their issue in the public; then you're teaching your teenager that love glues you in a position to do your duty in spite of the circumstance. Sugarcoating is hypocrisy and hypocrisy will always duplicate itself. That scenario only shows a child to succumb to a fake obligation.
SOLUTION - Rather than just teaching about the 'birds and the bees' - get real! You have to let your children understand that sex is a beautiful thing but it does not define love for another person, nor should it be used to prove love. One of my old friends usually says, "If I can't see myself dying for you, then I don't love you". He had to use such a term, to expose the way the word "love" is being loosely used and how people are misled into doing certain things. I couldn't agree with him more. Mothers, teach your daughters the value of her treasure and the magnitude of care it takes to have perfect vaginal care and hygiene; having a guy share that part of her is a risk, if he doesn't see the value in her to wait until marriage. If his patience wears out, then she'll know where his true intentions really were and he was definitely not worth her jewels. Fathers, teach your sons to respect and add value to himself by not being the 'player' no woman wants to date. Teach him, to not be the corn- dog dipping in every available sauce but rather to cherish the girl that sees value in herself to not make her sauce available to him at all.
- Explore your options: I think this is the area where the miscommunication comes in. Parents will always tell their teenagers who seems too serious with one person to, "Have friends and explore your options". Recipe for disaster! A teenager will only process that statement as - "I can date and I'll date one boy/girl at a time as a process of elimination". You'll end up with a confused and very hurt child. Not forgetting how emotionally damaged he/she may be, after they went through the list. I know this much because when I was told this, I thought it meant to ensure to date a few people before I find 'the one'. Thankfully, I didn't act upon it by the process of elimination because I thought it was bizarre to get emotionally attached to other guys before I find 'Mr. Right' but not all teenagers would have a thought process like me.
SOLUTION - Being clear when discussing things with your child, is key when you want great results because children think immaturely as they are immature. Help them to understand the importance of having male/female friends as just friends and nothing more. Have them realize that its vital to learn each person as a friend, it's a way of evaluating whether or not you can tolerate their behavior as a spouse. It's also a confidence boost for a teenager to know that they can have good and clean friendships with several people despite their attractions to them. It also helps them to understand their worth, being fully aware if that person is worth their time and attention. Teach teenagers, to never get confused with a guy/girl who constantly craves their attention and wants a relationship and the guy/girl who pursues them cautiously, paying attention to detail.
Written by:
Drishna Gibson
Drishna Gibson
Comments
Post a Comment