Men aren't pursuing women anymore...

As the "Month of Love" approaches, or so it is referred; I could not help but be bothered by a frightening trend patterning among us. The word 'tradition' is now the new enemy, as an excuse for 'creative originality'. All well and good for self exploration but I believe we're taking it too far because somethings are designed to remain a certain way. In this article, I hope to broaden our scope in the area of evaluating our relationships. For some, it might be a harsh reality check and for others, a journey to knowing yourself. 

At my age, and I'm not very old; I've lived through the hard evidence of seeing the spheres of communication in the dating and marriage world, belly flop. It seems that by some snap of the finger, we've switched roles. Who's responsible? I'll get to that in a while but do we remember the days when a man truly admired a woman and approached her with the sole purpose of knowing more about her? I'm not talking about the 'Player' looking to score some 'booty', I'm referring to the men who are capable of being a complete gentleman in being cordial and having a productive conversation. If my memory serves me right, that was when I was fifteen years old - a long time ago in my view. Since then, men developed a new "Hail Mary" that's brazen enough to say that, "He's afraid of rejection" and "If she really want's all of this, she'll come and get it". What's even more sad, is while the men are developing this tact to play on us, some women are dumb enough to fall into the trap. Recently, some women are now carrying the belief of, "You don't let a fine man get away" and "I'm going to be his 'ride or die chick' and he's going to put a ring on it". Forgive my bluntness and need for colloquial expression but is society now producing a bunch of Assiboos? 

I am not going to blame parenting because when we get to an age where we know right from wrong, developed some core values and have decided on the individual we want to be, we are more than able to shape our perspectives and execute accordingly. A boy can grow up in the ghetto but has purpose in his heart to be a recognized Marketing Exec. or a girl could have been raised around pimps and prostitutes but is determined to develop her worth beyond the expectation of others and not sell herself short in choosing a companion. Which brings me to a key principle in taking responsibility for our (both men and women) own lives, and that is; Developing or building our Worth. Particularly in the aspect of our value placed on our love and relationships. When we decide what we want for ourselves after knowing our worth, all problems will be solved. More importantly, exhibiting our worth through confidence, helps our decision making and ability to execute compelling attributes for meeting the right companion for ourselves.

Over the years of dating, I've learned quite a few things about relationships and I will like to address the men first. I believe, that this is definitely one of the things baffling our men and it points right back to 'knowing your worth'. In my early years of being in a relationship, I remember relaxing with my boyfriend at the time on a Sunday afternoon, and we were having a pretty intense conversation about life and he looked at me full in the face said to me, "... I don't deserve you because the person that you are, should not be placed with me." Of course I was shocked, I searched his words and little did he know, I had already discovered why he felt that way. Mind you, I was in my late teens but what stood out more, is the fact that a man can think very little of himself when he's up against a challenge. I shared that to show how an ill equipped man can become fragile at the acknowledgement of a woman; hence, the reason why there are millions of men claiming the fear of rejection, cushioning their egos by placing themselves on an imaginary throne, directing women to 'aggress' them and the one who shows them the highest importance, wins. Helpful tip Fellas: Develop your worth by doing some self introspection, attitude adjustments and deciding if you're only out to play or if your true definition of love and a meaningful relationship equates to the result you're getting.

On the other hand ladies... Many of us are in serious denial about a few things. How ever cute you may think it appears, chasing a man isn't a smart thing to do, you'll end up broken and hurt. If you are chasing a man, it means that you have yet to comprehend the real meaning of true love. Allow a man to show he's interested. To men, women are like Theme Parks. Some are content with staying at the punch boards, kissing booths etc. Some, like trying everything but always return to linger at the booths where they feel safe. Then, there are the men, who takes the theme park by the measure of his maturity and choice of being intrigued by the complex roller coasters that challenges him to expose his heart. Determine whether he's coming to remain or if he's passing through by first stating his intentions and most importantly; showing them! You see Ladies, we must allow men to portray their manhood to us by their thoughts and deeds... not by the flash of their penis. I'm not saying to sit by and let him do all the work because a lot of women have hurt men by dashing away their flowers and cards etc. and making them feel inadequate. Show appreciation, encourage and empower men. 

Though being unique is important, keeping the laws and traditions of creating and nurturing a relationship, is vital. The true purpose for men to pursue women is to have them exercise their mind's thought process and ability to evaluate the exact reason, why he is interested in that specific woman, and what place does he want her to hold in his life. 

Written by:

Drishna Gibson

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