Part II - Frustration can not describe... but it's been more than a month and my wife refuses to have sex with me!
A topic such as this one, has never gotten so many twists to the 'tale', as it did this past week. Comments were thrown from all different directions from both my male and female readers. Some, I agreed with and others surely put some things into perspective, as to where a lot of people's minds are concerned. Despite such evaluation, I couldn't neglect the fact that this 'buzz' needed a part two. Irrefutably, withholding sex from your spouse for over a month, got a resounding "No."
Such response was no surprise to me, especially from the men but I can safely say from a woman's viewpoint, we definitely can not tolerate such a drought, without good reason. Women show good control when it comes to sex but I think we desire it just; as much as men so holding out for a month, would have to be for good reason. Of course, looking away from just the stir this article caused, I wish to concentrate on the deep underlying issues resulting to this deprivation and its dangerous repercussions. Matter of fact, I hope that all the ladies out there are conscious of the fact that pulling a stunt like this, can only give your spouse reason to cheat because as some of my 'bold-faced' male readers say, "What you fail to do, another woman is more than willing to do it'.
More than a mild threat isn't it? I think so too but in case the men are unaware, we too can say the same. It's important to understand that such a perspective can be treacherous in making each other feel held at ransom. Bare in mind, that not every man or woman can perform everything you see on TV or might be willing to do certain things. Being a woman myself and I think it's safe to say for all women, that we do not just react in this way without cause. According to the vast comments received, I agree that there is definitely more than what meets the eye, or is there? I am no way directing this to the ardent reader who wrote to me about the issue but a case like this can go beyond the hormonal factor, communication and romance.
I am very aware, that there are two sides to a coin but arguably so, I believe that there are three sides to every story- yours, mine and the truth. Can we question, if the wife secretly found out that her husband was cheating? Maybe this is her way of lashing out at her husband, without allowing him to see the hurt and emotional trauma he caused. What if she holds suspicion that one of his female friends is becoming closer to her husband and it drives her (the wife) away? Though women are supposed to be possessive creatures and protect our territory, a woman with an inferior complex or low self-esteem might just detach herself from her spouse. Can we reckon that she lacks desire for sex because the man has a weak sexual performance? Weak doesn't always mean impotent, weak can be referred to by the effectiveness of lovemaking. Sad to say but there are a lot of men still living with the notion that sex is "slam-bam- thank- you- Mame". If I may make it clear, lovemaking is not only restricted to penis entering a vagina like a push pen, you're not digging a mine to find a diamond. Hint- hind, clue- clue, statics and of course female opinion would let you know, that women enjoy and look forward to foreplay a lot more than intercourse itself... I'll reserve the other in dept details for a separate article. Or, should we even think that she's discovered or is ready to uncover her lesbian side? In an ever changing world and a sexually liberal society, the possibilities are endless!
Applauding the silent treatment, is definitely not my thing because none of the above diversions excuses it. No matter the circumstance, one must be able to speak and share with one's spouse about whatever might be the problem. Common sense alone will have you to understand, that putting a band-aid over a wound, would never make it disappear. It's not healthy for marriage, let alone any relationship. As I would have pointed out in part one of this article, an integral part of any marriage is Intimacy; a common and perfect understanding of each other's needs and desires.
Written by:
Drishna Gibson
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