Skip to main content

Why do men hate female Independence?

Not to fear gentlemen - this article only seeks to be balanced because clearly too many people, fail to think before they act. I will like to preface this article by making it known that I am in no way against men being alpha- males or women being independent. My goal is only to help us create the type of balance, essential to every relationship to avoid misunderstanding caused by un-necessary 'battle of the sexes'.

I've seen and know of many couples who are this kind of turmoil and I can't help but wonder, "How can two people become so bitter with each other?" I considered patterns developed from early socialization, to dating patterns and I came up with very little answers. My evaluation cycled until it hit me. The issue of female independence causing friction in relationship begins with a fixed perception or a programmed concept and it goes for both male and female. Based on the fact that each individual grew to cultivate, a set thought that he or she must be in this or that position or play this or that role because he is the man or she is the woman. If you're following me correctly, the independence of a woman only becomes an issue, if a man is hell bent on thinking one or all of these three things. One- that he is the man and should earn more, two- that his wife should only be dependent on him to take care of her or three, he wants to assume the role of controlling the way a woman spends her money.
Don't get it twisted ladies, it's not all on the men. It would be easy to excuse the ladies who grew up with a strong matriarch in the home. Therefore, instilling a strong mental principle, of being an independent woman and to never allow a man to control you. Trust me, I've heard it all too many times and of course I like the idea of being a strong, independent woman but it in no way told us to be stuck-up or a snob. In the event any of us forgot, I am just about one hundred percent sure, that there were things that our matriarchs did that we didn't agree with. The very first thing that should come to mind when we think back, is that they even tried to control us and wrongfully, we grew up always being in defense mode or unconsciously always making sure that we are in control of the situation. Forgive me if I strip us bare; men included... but fixed perceptions that cause bad reactions is the culprit to a growing frustration.

You see, we live in a civilized age, yet our actions triggered from twisted perceptions aim to keep us primitive. There are some men, who might have grown with a mother who was a house wife and sat waiting for daddy to come home on Fridays with a check . He may have expected his wife to make do with whatever he gave her, to buy groceries and pay the bills. Sad enough to say, that boy would grow into a man, with that concept of how a relationship or marriage should be. No offense but his intelligence in that area failed to grow with the evolving times. There is nothing wrong with taking care of your lady but don't reduce her to a place of waiting on you; she's not doing you a service and then you pay her. You give freely because you want her to be happy.
Then of course, there are the egotistical, competitive men who crave the satisfaction of being the top income earner in the home. Thinking that such a position would suffice for whatever area they may be lacking in, somehow, that makes them feel empowered or 'The Man'. Think again! On the contrary… that only shows that you're a little boy. If your manhood is dependent on your paycheck, I strongly suggest therapy. Being supportive, working along with your spouse and nurturing your relationship is what makes you, a Man! It show's self-assurance and maturity. That is exactly what every independent woman looks for in a man, not a man who is intimidated by her greatness.
Well, we all know that the kind of fool that allows a man to control her money or how she spends it, is not prevalent in the female species in the year 2014. If you're a man who thinks like that, it's safe to assume that you have issues. Note well that when a woman works for her money, you're not there lifting a finger to help so the money, is hers. If she asks your opinion in spending it - give it. If you think she's doing some reckless spending, sit and have a conversation, share your concern and try to understand what she's trying to do but don't try to control her money. If you posses the great gift of fiscal prudence, extend good advice or create a situation that allows her to realize that money is no respecter of persons.

To my fair ladies… Independence is a grand feeling. Turning your own key, driving your car, paying your own rent or mortgage is highly applauded but when your in a relationship, it pays to be sensitive. I'm not making out the guys to be soft but rather I want the true meaning of independence to resonate in us. If you're successful in your career or on your success path, that's wonderful. It's even sweeter that you can afford your needs and wants because you work for it but it in no way permits us to deduce the role of our men. There is a reason why God created man first and then created us from his rib. If he is a man who fears God, then he is charged with being the head of the home and you, his helpmate. This in no way tells us that we can not be top earner or independent- it only sets a stage for a smooth flow. I used such an illustration to show us that we can be self sufficient financially but we should never make a man feel that he is only an accessory added to our achievements. Think about when a man embraces us from behind, our backs fit snugly on his chest and his arms cradles our rib area; simply because and I know people don't think of it this way but that part of us, is from him. No matter how independent we are, we have to always return to our other half, not just for support and love but because our independence is shared with him. Your independence and supremacy has dominion in the work place but in a relationship it comes down to shared opinions, communication and equal balance.
I understand if you may have a spouse that is competitive, egotistical and controlling; trust me I too, will deal with that situation by making it clear that you're able to make it on your own. Furthermore, I'll beg every un-married woman to try their best to detect that kind of guy fast because that's not a situation you want for yourself. On the normal side of things ladies, allow men to take their role as men. Accept his pampering, gifts, love him and cherish him. Your 'independent money' can't buy a good man and don't be too independent to the point where he does not understand his use, especially if he stays true to taking you to Orlando… and I don’t mean Florida!



Written by: 
Drishna Gibson
Blogger & Author.
Follow me on Facebook
Follow me on Instagram and Twitter @daisjahboo

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Seven Tips for experiencing your Best Twenties.

It is my understanding, that every person in their childhood years would usually fantasize about reaching adulthood. Of course, half of us were not prepared for what was about to hit us and as a result, ended up being bitter adults with false pretence and some how feeling robbed. The following tips are what I hope to be a "reset button" and also a starting manual for many teenagers across the world. B elieve in your Individuality - During the course of life, its easy to compare our journey with that of our friends and relatives. The process might be thrilling as though we're on a race track and on a race track, there can only be one winner so let's look at ourselves differently. Realize that you're unique and appreciate the fact that your journey will be different than others, because your destinations are not the same. W ork on becoming your best Self - When we look in the mirror, there is always a spectacle on our body we'd like to chan...

Men aren't pursuing women anymore...

As the "Month of Love" approaches, or so it is referred; I could not help but be bothered by a frightening trend patterning among us. The word 'tradition' is now the new enemy, as an excuse for 'creative originality'. All well and good for self exploration but I believe we're taking it too far because somethings are designed to remain a certain way. In this article, I hope to broaden our scope in the area of evaluating our relationships. For some, it might be a harsh reality check and for others, a journey to knowing yourself.  At my age, and I'm not very old; I've lived through the hard evidence of seeing the spheres of communication in the dating and marriage world, belly flop. It seems that by some snap of the finger, we've switched roles. Who's responsible? I'll get to that in a while but do we remember the days when a man truly admired a woman and approached her with the sole purpose of knowing more about her? I'm not tal...

Overcoming Infidelity II

No matter where you live in this world, someone on your street or on your job is being unfaithful. You may wonder what's the basis on which I make such a bold statement but if you look deep enough, you'll discover that I am right. I know that's a tough reality to face; it even makes you wonder about your own relationship. However, this article is not intended to insight fear but rather, equip our minds with sound thoughts when dealing with an unfaithful spouse or if you're the one doing the cheating.