Not to fear gentlemen - this article only seeks to be balanced
because clearly too many people, fail to think before they act. I will like to
preface this article by making it known that I am in no way against men being
alpha- males or women being independent. My goal is only to help us create the
type of balance, essential to every relationship to avoid misunderstanding
caused by un-necessary 'battle of the sexes'.
I've seen and know
of many couples who are this kind of turmoil and I can't help but wonder,
"How can two people become so bitter with each other?" I considered
patterns developed from early socialization, to dating patterns and I came up
with very little answers. My evaluation cycled until it hit me. The issue of
female independence causing friction in relationship begins with a fixed
perception or a programmed concept and it goes for both male and female. Based
on the fact that each individual grew to cultivate, a set thought that he or
she must be in this or that position or play this or that role because he is
the man or she is the woman. If you're following me correctly, the independence
of a woman only becomes an issue, if a man is hell bent on thinking one or all
of these three things. One- that he is the man and should earn more, two- that
his wife should only be dependent on him to take care of her or three, he wants
to assume the role of controlling the way a woman spends her money.
Don't get it twisted
ladies, it's not all on the men. It would be easy to excuse the ladies who grew
up with a strong matriarch in the home. Therefore, instilling a strong mental
principle, of being an independent woman and to never allow a man to control
you. Trust me, I've heard it all too many times and of course I like the idea
of being a strong, independent woman but it in no way told us to be stuck-up or
a snob. In the event any of us forgot, I am just about one hundred percent
sure, that there were things that our matriarchs did that we didn't agree with.
The very first thing that should come to mind when we think back, is that they
even tried to control us and wrongfully, we grew up always being in defense
mode or unconsciously always making sure that we are in control of the
situation. Forgive me if I strip us bare; men included... but fixed perceptions
that cause bad reactions is the culprit to a growing frustration.
You see, we live in
a civilized age, yet our actions triggered from twisted perceptions aim to keep
us primitive. There are some men, who might have grown with a mother who was a
house wife and sat waiting for daddy to come home on Fridays with a check . He
may have expected his wife to make do with whatever he gave her, to buy
groceries and pay the bills. Sad enough to say, that boy would grow into a man,
with that concept of how a relationship or marriage should be. No offense but
his intelligence in that area failed to grow with the evolving times. There is
nothing wrong with taking care of your lady but don't reduce her to a place of
waiting on you; she's not doing you a service and then you pay her. You give
freely because you want her to be happy.
Then of course,
there are the egotistical, competitive men who crave the satisfaction of being
the top income earner in the home. Thinking that such a position would suffice
for whatever area they may be lacking in, somehow, that makes them feel
empowered or 'The Man'. Think again! On the contrary… that only shows that
you're a little boy. If your manhood is dependent on your paycheck, I strongly
suggest therapy. Being supportive, working along with your spouse and nurturing
your relationship is what makes you, a Man! It show's self-assurance and
maturity. That is exactly what every independent woman looks for in a man, not
a man who is intimidated by her greatness.
Well, we all know
that the kind of fool that allows a man to control her money or how she spends
it, is not prevalent in the female species in the year 2014. If you're a man
who thinks like that, it's safe to assume that you have issues. Note well that
when a woman works for her money, you're not there lifting a finger to help so
the money, is hers. If she asks your opinion in spending it - give it. If you
think she's doing some reckless spending, sit and have a conversation, share
your concern and try to understand what she's trying to do but don't try to
control her money. If you posses the great gift of fiscal prudence, extend good
advice or create a situation that allows her to realize that money is no
respecter of persons.
To
my fair ladies… Independence is a grand feeling. Turning your own key, driving
your car, paying your own rent or mortgage is highly applauded but when your in a relationship, it pays to be sensitive. I'm not
making out the guys to be soft but rather I want the true meaning of
independence to resonate in us. If you're successful in your career or on your
success path, that's wonderful. It's even sweeter that you can afford your
needs and wants because you work for it but it in no way permits us to deduce
the role of our men. There is a reason why God created man first and then
created us from his rib. If he is a man who fears God, then he is charged with
being the head of the home and you, his helpmate. This in no way tells us that
we can not be top earner or independent- it only sets a stage for a smooth
flow. I used such an illustration to show us that we can be self sufficient
financially but we should never make a man feel that he is only an accessory
added to our achievements. Think about when a man embraces us from behind, our
backs fit snugly on his chest and his arms cradles our rib area; simply
because and I know people don't think of it this way but that part of us, is
from him. No matter how independent we are, we have to always return to our
other half, not just for support and love but because our independence is
shared with him. Your independence and supremacy has dominion in the work place
but in a relationship it comes down to shared opinions, communication and equal
balance.
I understand if you
may have a spouse that is competitive, egotistical and controlling; trust me I
too, will deal with that situation by making it clear that you're able to make
it on your own. Furthermore, I'll beg every un-married woman to try their best
to detect that kind of guy fast because that's not a situation you want for
yourself. On the normal side of things ladies, allow men to take their role as
men. Accept his pampering, gifts, love him and cherish him. Your 'independent
money' can't buy a good man and don't be too independent to the point where he
does not understand his use, especially if he stays true to taking you to
Orlando… and I don’t mean Florida!
Written by:
Drishna
Gibson
Comments
Post a Comment