From
years gone by to the present, the dimensions of marriage has evolved.
Dimensions of the conditions put forward before entering into a marriage,
extending to materialistic aggrandisement. Sounds puzzling doesn't it?
Unfortunately, that's exactly what marriages have become in the twentieth
century. Though nothing is wrong with planning, setting goals and preparing for
the different stages of where your marriage will go, being great money managers
can assist your marriage in thriving and surviving. A marriage union ought to
be sacred and beautiful but it can only remain that way, if both parties can
meet on common ground, financially.
Don't
be mistaken, I am in no way saying that finances should be equal between a
couple. That would only be ignorance on another degree. There would be
marriages where the wife is a housewife, a husband chooses to be a house-
husband, an ill spouse and where both parties are working. However, what is key
importance here, is how the couple can properly spend, save and make money to
have maximum potential. I've encountered and read about couples who are
literally frustrated by the financial woes in their home and I am left to
wonder if a discussion was had about how they were going to fuse their finances
after the 'wedding shabbang'. This is where parents come into play because I
would think that wise parents would teach their children how to value money and
handle responsibilities. You see, socializing a child doesn't only entail
teaching manners and good behavior, what should also be taught is the
responsibility of money and it's potential.
It
goes even further to where the parents of the potential wife asks the boyfriend
about his ability to take care of their daughter and the responsibilities of a
home. Sounds old school but that is exactly the part which makes marriage
appear very real. Not forgetting that the parents of the potential groom also
should question the ability of the girlfriend to be a helpmate to their son,
and also her ability to prioritize and spend. Forgetting these details can harm
a marriage and result in a very frustrated society.
I
wish to address the matter of prenups and joint accounts. Though ninety percent
of engaged couples do not consider having a prenuptial agreement done, a great
amount in that statistic would wish that there can be some other way to put a
limit on their spouse when it comes to the money they work for. Harsh reality
isn't it? There's a simple way of settling that kind of thinking... Don't get
married! I hate to be the one to point this out but marriage is a two way
street and with love, trust and communication as the foundation of a
relationship, that kind of thinking will land you 'No where' fast. It means
that you're not ready to share yourself (money included) completely with
another person and still viewing yourself as your own person and not at One
with your intended spouse. Baring in mind that there are married couples with
this kind of thinking as well, and the disadvantage is directed to the spouse
who has no idea that the other person doesn't see them in an unselfish way.
These are the sectors of dating that most people neglect under the claim of not
knowing how to discuss the matter but then again, that's an indication that
you're far from the step of marriage because
if you are not comfortable discussing finances, then you are both not
ready for marriage. The other ten percentage would draft a prenup under the
claim of protecting their wealth and the ones it is attached to. No matter how
we choose to word it, it's still a selfish move and a bold indication that a
divorce is eminent - then why get married? The Bible declares that there is
power in what we speak so if we so much as think or utter a word about a prenup
then the end result is already calculated toward a divorce.
Now
joint accounts can be harmful just as much as they can do good, and it depends
on the parties involved and their respect for each other and money. However,
I'd say this, a joint account isn't vital for financial survival in marriage
neither is it a guarantee that you won't face debt. What is pivotal, even
without a joint account, is at least one spouse's ability to prioritize well,
knowing when to take calculated risks and more so, the ability to communicate
futuristic thinking, planning and execution. Some people are great at coming up
with ideas and planning but the execution is what determines success or
failure.
I'd
give you an example about a married couple who from inception of marriage, had
a joint account. Obviously, both parties didn't earn the same amount of money
but they agreed that they would each place sixty percent of their earnings into
the account. The responsibility of the account was said to take care of rent,
groceries, payment of utilities, things for the children and the rest would be
considered savings for vacations or home improvement. The plan was solid until
the husband suggested that they buy a new car but the wife didn't see the need
at that time as she desired a home. One day, the husband picked her up from
work in a new car claiming that he really wanted it and that he got it for a
good price. She was then told that he used some money from the joint account to
secure the car payments and then the fury got real. The wife's problem was not
that her husband desired a new car but rather the principle in the way he went
about buying it and though she expressed that to him, his response was that he
place more money into the account so it doesn't matter. Right that instant, the
marriage isn't just hurt financially but also emotionally because a spouse
denigrated another. The problem was two- fold and so was the cause.
Communication was not thorough enough and one spouse appreciated the value of
their money more than the other. Clearly the issue had nothing to do with
having a joint account or not, but rather their thinking when entering into
marriage.
Stay
tuned for Part 2 of this article.
Written
by,
Drishna
Gibson
Blogger
& Author.
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