Most days, I like to
force myself into thinking that the majority of people in our world are capable
of logical thinking and on others; the reality sets in. The reality of watching
the one thing every human has in common to crave, either implodes, explodes
or on the good days - flourishes. Not
very long ago, I was asked the question - Do people say the words "I love
you" too quickly? Instantly I had thoughts that were plenteous and too
colourful to mention at the time but I am more than happy to share some of my
honest findings and experiences here; of course all in good stead to benefit
peoples of the world, looking for the answer.
As humans, we rely a
lot on our feelings and emotions. Sadly though, "feelings" and
"emotions" do not always lead us right and in the field of love -
that's where we get hurt the most. Do you remember your first boyfriend/
girlfriend in High School? You felt and thought it was love right? You thought
you were special to him/ her and the words he/ she said to you, brought cloud
nine under your feet and swept you off to some place you have yet to name. You
see, that was our first
introduction of what we perceived love to be and feel
like and alas, most people are still hung up on such incognizance. Forgive my
bluntness but when we grow older, we must develop better thinking skills and
become wiser. I may be wrong but it appears as though the dating populist is
just going through "the motions" and never getting what they really
want. A bit of advice to the "wandering daters" - When a relationship
ends, don't walk away with insecurities. Walk away being better informed about
the characters you shouldn't entertain and note the habits you ought to improve
on. 
A friendship can
tell us so much if only we don't deduce it to just flirting. Of course, if two
individuals like each other they'd flirt, but flirting does not allow you to
know much about the other person or their character. Civil conversations about
life, personal interests and opinionated debates will tell you a lot more about
a person and their character. That's where the visual is clearer in deciding if
the friendship is something you'd like to see develop into something greater. A
process as this helps us to not use the word love loosely and it keeps us
thinking soberly because we'd have new information to ponder on and digest. Now
I can not tell you when you'll know it's love because everyone is different and
it depends on how well and often both parties communicate. However, I know that
most people battle with when to say the words "I love you" but it's
best to always remember that in the field of love, there is risk and before you
take the risk, you have to be sure that the person can be trusted with your
heart. The other side of the risk is being sure of yourself and being capable
of saying it without needing to hear it back. It sounds bizarre but not because
you said it, would it mean that the other person is ready to say it back and if
you're a good judge of character you'd know that he/ she isn't ready to say it
back or that he/ she does not feel the same way about you. There is no such
thing as saying "I love you" too quickly if both parties are able to
express their true feelings to each other; it simply means that there is trust
and trust is what you want.
For the sake of my
teenage and young adult readers, I'll share a few snip bits of my own
experiences with you. We all know that most people begin to date while in High
School and in my opinion you're ready to date when you're not easily influenced
and have great level of self control. That's exactly what I did and was excited
to get my feet wet in the dating pool. So along came cloud nine and the young
fellow said the three little words at one week into the
"relationship". Gosh I know I'm beautiful but I was disappointed and
appalled because right away I knew what his intentions were but to seem
"cool" I said the words back at the same time, not because I felt the
same way; I thought it was my job to. However I made no joke in getting rid of
that dude fast because back then, having a Catholic School girlfriend was the
"it -thing" and I, was not going to be a statistic.
- It's important to know when the word love is being thrown at you with hope of a sexual gain.
On another occasion,
the word love came with a subtle note of possession and very quickly I realized
that the intent was that I am the "trophy type - fountain of youth",
while he entertained side chicks. It was then I realized my biggest mistake. I
was under the age of twenty and realized that I did not create friendships
before I started a relationship so I understood that I didn't allow myself time
to get to know these guys.
- Never accept love that comes with hurt and possessiveness. No matter how much time, money, effort or years you think you've given to a relationship, if the word love is being used as a weapon- it's time to step!
Then there was a time when I decided that I
was not going to be a hamster and stay on the wheel of casual dating and waste
my time. I learned that my time is valuable and precious and that I knew enough
of what love was not and was ready for what love really is. Along came a
gentleman who was eager for a relationship and I stalled him out with
friendship because as I said - casual dating is over. He even said the three
little words thinking that it will make me want to enter a relationship with
him but being friends with him, taught me that he didn't know the first thing
about the meaning of love or the dynamics of a relationship. I confidently let
him know at the same time that I don't love him and I'd rather be friends. He
was crushed but I achieved two things by being honest with myself and him; I
was not stringing him along by wasting his time when he could be out there
finding the right person to love him back and secondly, I didn't waste my own
time either.
Love and saying
"I love you" to someone can be so easily misused and abused for ill
intent and personal gain but we must all know and remember the way the Bible
teaches about what love is. Thankfully, the wisdom from my past allowed me to
know and experience what love is. You see, we fail to acknowledge that
relationships and real love is a journey, hence; the reason why the very first
thing the Bible says about love is that it is "patient". Every new
thing comes shiny, bursting with information and reasons to explore -
relationships are the very same and after a while the real tests and challenges
appear. Sometimes we might not be lovable, other times we may be like dormant
volcanoes and then back to our old selves again but at the end of the day we
chose to profess our love to that person and that person chose to love us
back. Let us not be remiss when we say
"I love you" because it hurts when our own negligence causes the
abandonment of our heart.
Written by:
Drishna Gibson
Blogger &
Author.
I would like to
sincerely apologize to all my readers who hoped that I would have written sooner but
2016 began on a huge note but I am back and will be releasing new blogs twice
every month.
Follow me on Facebook ! and on Twitter @daisjahboo
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