It is well known that in our youngest stage of life, we fear nothing, and as we grow and become less ignorant to the facts and patterns of life; our personalities are shaped. In this article I wish to expound a bit on the mind and heart that is programmed to only process the things which "preserves" us. Although self preservation is applaudable, there are some other things that are more than what meets the eye. Rest assured, I would not bombard you with psychological findings or terms but rather, sharpen our vision in realizing the behaviors of the people we love and communicate with daily.
Relationships ought to be centered around a deep level of communication and understanding. Don't get me wrong but that doesn't mean that we must smoother our spouse and hang them to the gallows if you haven't had a conversation in a day or two. Love definitely goes beyond that. And, speaking of communication, relationships can't be built on knowing his/ her favorite colour, favorite food, favorite music, favorite hobby etc. Those things are important but are frivolous when it comes to matters of the heart. Getting to know your intended spouse or present girlfriend/ boyfriend, requires a much deeper level of conversation so as to understand their thinking, modus operandi in attaining their goals, views on various aspects in life and life events and most of all, understanding how their past is affecting their current state of mental processing and physical operations. I know it sounds like a challenge and quite time consuming and if you're really interested in the person, you'll agree that they're worth it and if you think that your time is too precious; then your intentions are not clear or non existent.
Although we may seek to know a person on a deeper level, we must not forget that a relationship isn't a one way street. As much as we want to receive information, we must be willing and comfortable to share as well. That's how trust is built and building trust that way can save us from a lot of insecurities. As much as I am a writer and don't seem to be few of words, it takes a lot of trust for me to have in a person to share my life with and perceptions and rightly so, because it helps us to classify the people in our lives in to certain categories. If you haven't realized, it's the basis on which Army wives operate, long distance relationships function and career couples thrive and survive. Trust and communication is such a powerful combination, it can teach us surmountable things about a person and ourselves. When I was a little girl, I read a magnificent piece of literature called "The Secret Garden" by Frances Hodgson Burnett. The first few times I read it, I could relate to three of the main characters in the book and I saw it through the eyes of a child but as I grew, it was made into a film and then I learnt even more. In the dating pool of opposites, we must value our differences and more so realize and understand the place our spouse has risen to us from. It's difficult when a secret garden is involved because there's a seal on it and it's a place of hurt they wish never to have to face again. When that seal is broken, an individual's quickest plan of action is to create space because it's bewildering to fathom that their fear of hurt is of no consequence in your relationship.
Just a day before writing this article, someone told me that they didn't understand love the way 1 Corinthians 13 describes it. However unfortunate it is for them, I smiled because there couldn't have been a better definition for love and its characteristics. My hope is that by this time, we would have accepted that love surpasses barriers of distance and time, love solidifies unspoken communication and it's the only thing that can make a non- physical connection feel very real.
Written by:
Drishna Gibson
Great job drishna preparing the young and old how to love
ReplyDelete