Where I come from,
there's a saying that says, "What doesn't kill you will only make you
stronger". Sad enough, that saying does not apply to all aspects of life,
especially relationships. Just like food, people can be toxic and when that
begins to happen, it shows. Even worse, when it causes you to lose interest in
being your best self, it's a sign that confidence no longer exist and despair
has taken over. After reading this article, it's my hope that our eyes will
depict the people that no longer serve us and even further, challenge us in
being our best selves.
As an individual
who've seen it vital to impact the lives of others positively, I've grown with
the perspective of rising beyond my social environment. I've made such a
statement to bring out two points: (i) Not everyone you converse with on a
regular is your friend. (ii) It pays you no benefit to fit into "The
Ordinary". I understand that we all will have different tastes and styles
but that doesn't give us an excuse to be below par, and become comfortable
looking or being a certain way, just to cushion the insecure people among
us. A perfect example would be sharing the story of a married couple who after
five years, began questioning their reasons for being together from the onset.
It's obvious for us to think that five years of marriage is still identified as
the "Honeymoon stage", but this couple was having a far different
experience. That relationship grew to be toxic and I'll reveal the reasons
given by both parties. The wife claimed that (i) she no longer felt special to her
husband, (ii) they both fell into 'expected roles' though they both had jobs,
(iii) her husband didn't compliment her as often and (iv) somehow, they both no
longer felt comfortable communicating. The husband complained that (i) his wife
became focused on redecorating their home and entertaining friends rather than
doing things together as a couple, (ii) she no longer emotionally desired him
and made him out to be a tool from a toolkit, (iii) she failed in making an
effort in understanding him and (iv) she got caught up in the label be being
his wife and appeared to be only interested in what he can physically provide
for her. What do these things have to do with their physical appearances? A lot more than what we see. In a circumstance like this, I had to ask the question; What attracted you to your spouse? The wife said, "His eyes". Really? The husband said that she is "quiet and easy going". Has love become engrossed with the clichés of romance novels? I don't mean to be harsh but the seriousness of love requires more than the colour of eyes and a dormant personality. If you could have seen the couple like was able to, you would understand why their answers were so poor. If you're a woman, you won't take a second look at this man because he has no sense of style and if you we're a man, you'd think full length florals and wigs are the "in thing". To bring the picture together, this couple was clearly wrapped up in acknowledging that they are in a relationship of marriage but failing in the success of individuality. I have and will always stress that before a person can become attached to another, he must be sure of himself/ herself and be confident to the point where no matter what happens in a relationship, it does not have the ability to drag them down. Your appearance is the first thing that everyone will see and according to the way you appear, the impression you leave with each person will either be good or bad and God forbid if it's the first impression.
Now, there's a
simple solution for the people who claim that they are just not good at
shopping or putting a look together; choose to either surround yourself with
people who appear to have a better fashion sense and ask for their opinion or
try YouTube. If you don't look good, you won't feel good and that cloud of
gloom only produces an ineffectiveness in every day life. For this couple,
their problem existed before they got married because they both were not
exhibiting their best and so, they got lost in the idea of being in a
relationship, however sexless or plentiful it was. The reason why this couple
couldn't emotionally serve each other, is mainly because they weren't
physically appealing to themselves and each other. Their initial attraction to
each other was too surface based. The wife basically wanted to feel wanted by a
man, hence; the reason for her claim about her husband not making her feel
special and he wanted the same thing, but they were not able to give that to
each other because individually, they were inferior in their appearance. The
husband wanted a woman with drive, spunk and affection but that's not what he
got because he thought a woman like that to be too much of a challenge and so, he went for "quiet and easy going". Do you want to know what his real
fear was? He told himself that he was incapable of looking good at the side of
a woman who's fashion forward and confident.
It's captivating to
uncover, just how much our way of dress and confidence can affect our
decisions. That's why a relationship goes beyond the duty of making the
relationship work. Matter of fact, there is no such thing as making a
relationship work; either it works or it doesn't. However; a relationship is a
duty to uplift your spouse and make him a better man or her a better woman,
everyday. That is done through a sense of pride in making the other person look
and feel good on the inside and out.
Written by:
Drishna Gibson
Great inside emotional stuff i stop wearing clothes from the sixties
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