In life, the emotional bond in which parents share with their children, will never change. Reasonably so, our instinct to nurture and protect, behooves us to ensure the success of our children by molding them into good members of society; however, it is possible to take such responsibilities to extremes. Too much of a good thing is never good and when it comes to over- protecting and smothering your children, you've only achieved one thing - "A societal fool". I've been apprehensive about writing on such a topic but the world suffers from too many stifled men and it's time we understand why.
I am not a mother, but I comprehend the importance in having a good relationship with my mother and to learn from her experiences. I also applaud a son's love and care for his mother but like millions of women, I know all too well about the challenges of a "Mama's boy". I've experienced being in a relationship with them, studied the different cases and did quite a bit of analyzing which brings me to question:
1. Are men choosing to be Mama's boys?
2. Are "Mama's boys" suffering from a dysfunction?
As women, we have never been bold enough to ask these questions; of course, our thoughts may drag us to wonder but we wouldn't dare ask the question. As aforementioned, a man cherishing his mother is good, it's a good indication of how he'll treat his wife; however, a man's kind gestures to his mother must be freely given and not controlled or demanded from him. When a man's gifts to his mother becomes an obligation put on him by her, Ladies, that's a huge sign to roll. I bet you're going to say, "... but somebody has to teach him how to find the balls to stand up to his mother." Honey, it isn't you. We don't find a man's balls to teach him a lesson, they don't learn that way! Don't you notice that when we hold the testicular region, they go mindless with pleasure?
Some men are very capable of standing up to their mothers but they might not think that you're the woman worth doing it for. Slap in the face right? This is exactly why we must detect the signs while dating, in order to avoid marrying the "monster in-law". The reasoning is simple. If a man is ambitious, goal oriented, is great at delegating tasks and is doing a good job at holding the reigns in the relationship, he is more than capable of prioritizing his mother. Note, I said prioritize his mother, not push her to the side or degrade her. If he fails to enforce a level of respect and a boundary she must not cross in your relationship, then it means that he does not trust you or the relationship, to put his mother in her rightful place as mother and not "co- spouse". Yes, I said "co- spouse" because clearly your value or purpose in that sort of arrangement is to screw him. Unless of course, his mother doesn't mind doing it herself but I'm not telling no body to tell their mother in-law that. It's wiser to subtract yourself from the equation.
Unfortunately, I've realized that some mama's boys really do have a dysfunction. Believe it or not, everyone has a disability. If you're surprised by that then it means, you've narrowed your thoughts of disability to a pebble. A disability, is a permanent condition that severely restricts a person's everyday activities. They can be physical, sensory, mental and the most overlooked one - intellectual or cognitive (affecting ones ability to learn new skills, or to make decisions or to communicate with other people). With that being said, I wish to draw our attention to the intellectual or cognitive type of disability which makes a child prey to an over- protective mother. This type of dysfunction can be slighted, easily missed and excused to labeling a person as shy, not aggressive or anti-social. To cut a long story short, a son like this, is like play dough in a mothers hand. She'll mold him into who she admires, she'll inject a subtle fear in him, she will even want to be his mouth piece. Championing all of those, to him, she will cement herself as "all- knowing", always right and idol - crowning mother, who will always be there. Yes, I rolled my eyes at the thought too but this does not make the man a red zone, actually, it might be the only hurdle in his relationship. He's a victim who needs counseling and a good reality check.
I took the liberty of asking a "Mama's boy" and good family friend, who at one point was like a father figure to me, about how to deal with a mother who've preyed on her son; he too was a victim. His reasoning was simple. He said, "Out of all my brothers, I was always the laid back one and I did as my mother told me all the time. She, being a single mother, raised me to feel responsible to grant her wishes because she never had a husband to make her feel secure so that was my duty." That surely put the pieces together for me. Figuring out this type of Mama's boy is simple. If he's not great at communicating his feelings, avoids confrontation, always says "I don't know" and retreats into his shell for a long time, then its a good sign that you're dealing with a delicate situation. It will take will power and counseling for him to prioritize his mother.
Raising a Societal fool, impedes the productivity of our world, by time wasted on men struggling to emotionally redeem themselves in order for them to function as they see fit. Dealing with a "Mams's boy" is a chore but women have to choose whether to stick around to see the change happen or to be the change. An eye- opener for men, will be to ascertain whether their mothers are being a "strap on cushion" or a proud mother admiring the responsible son she raised.
Written by:
Drishna Gibson
I will like to wish all my readers a wonderful Christmas season, as this is my last post for the year. Indeed, it was my pleasure to present to you my views in 2014.
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