Relationships should be likened to the harmony of a floating swan on a still lake. How tranquil is the thought of it being that way but contrary to that imagery, it seems quite the opposite. It is with passion and much enlightenment, that I thought this matter should be brought to the fore. Of course I won't seek to co-relate national independence with personal independence but in relationships, they aren't much different. For scenario's sake, I have spoken to a lot of couples about what they think the dependency of their spouse should be and as expected, the answers varied. Most men commented that they wanted to really take care of their partner so she wouldn't want of any thing, while most women said that they wanted their mate to handle his business and not always see her as the 'back-up plan'. Trust me, at this point the questions running through my head were like Atlanta's Spaghetti Junction. However, two questions stood out to me most. Is money the key torment in relationships? Do couples know exactly how to find their balance of obligation to their spouse in finding an emotional, social and economic equilibrium in their relationship? Truth be told, couples are very much unaware of what these things are and how vital it is to establish an understanding on this path, from the very beginning.
As it relates to statehood and individuality. The very same way a country will outline an agreement and policy for foreign relations before becoming associates with another country, people must endeavor to do the same. Of course, not as strict to be on paper but to at least have an understanding of what expectations and requirements are. Forgive me if this is coming across a bit militant but it really does save misconceptions from happening. Let me save everyone the tension and explain.
In a few of my previous blogs, I stressed how vital it is for both women and men to be financially independent. For the women, I elaborated how earning our own money empowers and propels us to where we ought to be and of course, men should do the same but in most relationships, one party holds back more than the other. Hence, causing a tilt in someone being either a 'Sugar baby' or 'Gold digger'. Aside from the financial part of things, independence also deals with our skills in damage control, time management and goal execution. All these things attribute to a well rounded person who is in good standing for a relationship. Though 75% of us have the capacity with in us, we fail to set a few things straight with our spouse.
As brutal as this may sound, both individuals need to have a conversation stating the following:
- I am an independent person and I choose to be in this relationship and by doing so, I am doing you a favor.
- At no time should you feel, that I need you so much, that you can walk all over me or hurt me and think I won't leave.
- This is a relationship and I expect us to corperate and execute things together because our roles are equally important.
I know that hearing these statements from our spouse may pull our heart strings but stripping each other of whatever habits we might have had in past relationships is vital in reaching emotional, social and economic equilibrium. I look at it as getting naked before we actually get naked. In an instance where a woman might feel it right to trample on her mates feelings or opinions, she'll remember that he doesn't have to put up with it. If a man chooses to deduce his spouse to anything less than special, neglects her and forsakes his duty as a man, his thoughts must always reflect on those three statements.
Hopefully and evidently, we all should recognize how being self sufficient is key in relationships. It is my feeling that if we go about our unions like this, less women will feel the need to have a dildo because the real thing just isn't cutting it as a whole person and fewer men will share the sentiment that women now-a-days only put a huge dent in their pocket. Always remember that this 'Golden Child' does not reside in Asia, it lies with in us. According to some and I do share the same opinion... Independence is the sexiest thing on a person
Written by:
Drishna Gibson
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