It's undeniable,
that all women have been associated with men who cheat or an unfaithful mate.
Partially looking away from the subject, would reward us with the intricacies
and reasons behind this popular behavior. I was moved to write on such a topic
by the response of some of my female readers. I sought to look beyond their
request, for just the purpose of curiosity but rather, the substantial hurt
they feel from being put through such a situation repeatedly. After all, we are
human, we can only take so much and we do get sick and tired of it all. Though
I understand the female emotions behind it, note that it's not only men who
cheat. My focus would not only surround the reasons why men cheat but also to
help us all better analyze what is cheating. Ladies, you just might be
confronted by your own zombie, realizing that you too, cheat.
The realistic
person that I am, will only allow me to be most honest and blunt in this
article. Though the purpose of this article is to be focused on men, I seek not
to be bias. Men just like women, like to play fair and hate to be trodden upon
so I will be balanced in my points. I will like to first open our minds by the
effects of a man being unfaithful. Of course, in our minds a broken heart will
be first event but have you ever wondered, what really caused the broken heart?
Is it the cheating? Is it the thought of him with someone else? Or is it the
fact that you found out? I bet 90% of women would say "all of the
above", right? I understand why from a rational point of view but the
broken heart actually comes from the subtle thought that says, "I trusted
him". Trust is the most pivotal part of every relationship, without it,
there is no relationship and it takes a very long time to build. Sadly, and
it's only obvious that as soon as, the cheating is exposed - trust gets thrown
out of the window. I don't disagree with that either but I sometimes wonder why
would a man go through so much to gain a woman's trust and then throw it all
away because he lacks control of his own snake. What's even more annoying, is
the look on a man's face when he's learnt that the secret is out and he expects
forgiveness the very same time just because he gave you his guilty sobs. Where
were the sobs and thoughts of the woman's feelings, before you committed the
act of cheating. I think that it's safe to say here, that every woman puts up
with a lot, all for the sake of Love.
Love being defined
as a choice; in the selfless act of giving to another human being, for the sole
purpose of bringing your own happiness by another's happiness. Quite a concise meaning, don't you think?...
From such a small report - I will like us to ask ourselves the question by our
own limit, what is cheating? I would expect various answers, as everyone has
their point of tolerance. In my own self evaluation, cheating is not physical
but rather, it's the single conceived, sexual thought for another individual,
where passion is nurtured through friendship. In essence, it begins in the mind
and is therefore pre-empted before the action actually happens. That's why
infidelity hurts so much. Our psychological mind in one moment, plays over the
way you would have fell in love with your spouse and yearn to touch, kiss and
embrace him/ her, is shattered by knowing your spouse cultivated that for
someone else. I would bet, the way I just put it brought it home to everyone,
including women who accuse men of cheating because she feels that he does the
physical, while she's 'Miss. Goody-to-shoes' getting wet for another man,
playing innocent. This brings me to the point of directly showing us how
important it is to control our friendships, especially in the case where as a
man in a committed relationship, may have a lot of female friends or vice
versa. By control, I mean stating the importance of your relationship and
demanding respect for it from the get go. Failing do so proves one or two
things, you're either up for some adventure outside or you're leaving the gate
open for secretly aggressed sexual attention.
The reasons for
which men cheat can vary and are quite extensive. I did a great deal of research
and I went as far as, asking my male friends the question of why would a man
cheat on his wife or a good woman. Ladies, you won't believe my discovery but I
must lay it all out. The reasons I got from my male friends went from, being
young and not ready to settle but loved the idea to coming home to a woman,
another mentioned that his job and good looks afforded him the opportunity to
have multiple women and the other shock was a comment that said, "My
girlfriend at the time was boring, wasn't making my blood rush and I needed a
good tease". Could you believe that? Men actually do have reasons to
cheat, well at least they try to justify it. The first two reasons proved to
me, that men fail or lack the balls to control their desires and unknowingly
make their sexual performance weak. Yes guys, if you didn't know it, having
multiple sexual partners makes your performance vacillating or 'iffy'. Mind you,
your lady does you a favor by not turning away and 'stupsing' just to powder
your ego because to her, your dick has lost its vigor to thrill her in places
you cant spell! I didn't say that to emasculate men but more so to show how
sexual practices can either make or break your performance. It's better to
fully satisfy one woman in a way that makes her constantly 'weak in the knees'
for you than to have several women hoping that your next performance won't be a
waste of time.
The third reason
why men cheat, culminates the discovery of my research in proving that men
refuse to communicate, to stimulate the intriguing responses they want. I heard
reasons from, proving his manhood, the thrill of the chase, opportunistic sex,
seeing what it's like to have sex with someone else, down to knowing that his
lady will take him back. I found these to be silly in a way of insulting to the
male species, in justification of why a man cheat is actually adding insult to
injury. The other funny thing is that the same men who cheat flips a switch if
they find out that their wife/ girlfriend is cheating on them too. He'll get
all mad and hot tempered and maybe get to the point of wanting to hit the woman
but don't you dare my brothers… if you cant take cheating - don't give it! In
case you haven't learnt the philosophy of, "The same time your giving
attention to another woman, you leave room for a man to give attention to
yours", then it's time to get the full picture. If you want a stimulating
spouse, start stimulating conversations, the one word answers is not going to
cut it - you're making her feel as if you've lost interest. If you want your
wife to look sexier, work out with her, offer to go shopping and show her what
you will like to see her wear. If you want bedroom adventure, create the
atmosphere for it and make it happen.
All men have
reasoning and I'm am sure they hate hurting the person they decide to love.
Cheating is not an easy exit way for a relationship, if you want out, man up
and say it. A good friend of mine shared the view of her other friend with me
and I found it true. She puts it this way, "A man is an accessory I choose
to carry, I do not need a man nor do I have the time to put up with the
infidelity BS". Sister girl… you couldn't have said it better. Count
yourself blessed to have a woman who's decided to love and treat you right. A
real man, is committed to his spouse and is applauded by many and envied by
other men because his commitment proved him to be Alpha male.
Written by:
Drishna Gibson
Drishna Gibson
Blogger & Author.
I want to give a
special Happy Birthday greeting to a wonderful friend of mine who is
celebrating today… He knows who he is. I want to thank him for the difference
he's made in the life of others and in mine. Cheers to you! :)
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