Frustration can not describe... but it's been more than a month and my wife refuses to have sex with me!
A husband and wife's most rapturous connection, is their ability to intimately romance each other, through the body's most powerful expertise to communicate by connecting as One. Unfortunately and believe it or not, almost 85% of marital problems begin in the bedroom and it takes more than persistence to make it over these hurdles. Though problems in marriages may vary, crucial importance must be given to communication because we must all desire to have our spouse attain perfect understanding about our feelings. I recently accommodated one of my ardent readers who, requested advice on this very sexually frustrating topic. Fully assessing his situation, definitely spurred the open avenue of realizing that a lot marriages are suffering. Not only in the aspect of bedroom matters but heavily weighing on the things couples say and more so - don't say.
While I appreciate requests for advice and I do welcome them at all times, I was astounded to hear how freely couples express their feelings to outsiders rather then each other. Apart from that, I began to question the real reasons why some wives behave the way that they do and why such behaviors trigger the most bizarre and hurtful reactions from their husbands. When a marriage gets to this point, my conclusion is that both parties have some how lost the courage to communicate with each other and desperately need advice in handling problems.
On the issue at hand, this gentleman in no uncertain terms loves his wife and definitely desires her but he's been placed in a distraught state and needless to say, is desperate to have sex with his wife. I honestly felt pity for the man. I was never told that a case of 'blue balls' is a joyous thing but then again, 'Mrs. Palmer' never failed - or so they claim. Of course Ladies, we love the thought of our man being very hot in the pants for us, isn't that alone supposed to be a turn on? Maybe?
I hate to disappoint Fellas but it takes a hell of a lot more than a bump in your trousers to get us going. Studies are absolute in proving, that men ought to have techniques to get women crazed for them but I won't go there just yet. Husbands webbed in my reader's situation or similar would react in mixed ways. They would assume the following; "She's no longer in love with me", "There must be another guy she's seeing", "Is my sex bad?", "Did I do something?", "Did I forget an important date?" and the most outrageous one, "Maybe my penis isn't what she expected". Men will assume the worst just like us Ladies, until they know exactly what's going on and rightly so, when we fail to let them know what's going on. What's even worse is the breaking point where a husband might blurt out the wrong thing due to anger and it leaves both parties hurt. This type of problem is so delicate because the root cause will not be that the wife is denying a husband sex but that the wife is made to feel like an object for his sexual pleasure and feels that's where her importance lies.
Tentative isn't it? Now that I've twisted it, we gotten the full picture of where actions and behaviors can be a big miscommunication. In no way do I agree with a wife who denies her husband sex for such a long time, especially where she definitely did not just have a baby or surgical procedure of any sort. Nor do I applaud a husband who may spout a hurtful accusation toward his wife, especially in a way to deduce her role as wife, to one use only. I call this a garden of thorns to make a good marriage, very bitter and look at where it stemmed from - the bedroom. However frustrating this may be to couples, deflating the hot burning desert of sexual deprivation could have simply started with a conversation aimed at just understanding. Not a conversation leading to an argument or even sex but just a conversation with purpose to understand why she's not in the mood for such a long time and why it's making you (the husband) so angry. We may be surprised that the wife is having a certain health issue, it could be menopause, she can be stressed and wants the husband 'her friend' and not the husband 'the sexual aggressor' to just have a conversation with her and even more so, she may want to be romanced in a desirable way and not made to feel duty bond, to make love to her husband.
I am most certainly not justifying any wife, who's sexually neglecting her husband for so long. A wife's and a husband's duties are manifold but we ought not to forget, that intimacy is not sex. It begins by a common and perfect understanding of each other's needs and desires. Before marriage happens, both parties are individuals on their own but the marriage union makes both individuals, One. Made One, in a sacred way where intercourse was purposefully created by God for this union, providing a haven for couples to continuously enjoy their rapturous and less vocal form of communication. It's where chaos is made quiet and fear is over-shadowed by Love.
Stay tuned for Part II on next week's blog.
Written by:
Drishna Gibson
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