Relationship Dilemmas Untold.

As children, we chanted; "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me". Far from the truth, right? Our journey into adulthood taught us all too well, about the power of words and how much they can hurt.

However, though we may understand words and their power, there seems to be a glitch in communicating certain things within the realm of relationships. I don't wish to address things on a communication level but rather our actions and perceptions regarding the dating practice.

We all know that there's no "perfect" relationship or marriage, and thinking that you can have a perfect one, means that you are grossly delusional. Permit me to get blunt and share some of things you may never see coming in a relationship.

• Intimidation - Often times people tend to feel intimidated by their spouse. Strange, but it happens and if you don't know how to rise above that feeling, you can come across as insecure. Intimidation comes from fear of being inadequate, either by size, strength, intellect, finances and physical ability. You may think it's okay to feel intimated or think that you can handle it but the truth is, you're setting yourself up for infidelity. It goes both ways. Whether you're doing the intimidating or you are the one feeling intimidated, unless you speak to your spouse about this relationship monster, you'd spend more time being unhappy than enjoying each other.
• Treating Disagreements Casually - You can always tell how a person feels about you by the way they handle a disagreement with you. That may sound shallow but it's one of the things you should pay attention to. Relationships constantly evolve but one of the things that should never change, is your spouse's sensitivity to your feelings. When you're a priority in someone's life, they'll always be considerate of your feelings and opinions on about almost everything. Walking away in the middle of a disagreement shows the exact opposite and proves the other individual's level of selfishness and anger. However, if in the disagreement a person says, "I think we need some time to calm down. Can we revisit the issue in (a given time)?" That is mature, right- thinking and a clear indication that your voice is important, if they stick to it.
• Sex and Communication imbalance - In every relationship, there's going to be the spouse who loves having and talking about sex and the spouse who's always excited to talk and learn more about you. Sometimes the roles flip-flop. More often than not, its clear that men are always more interested in getting buck wild, while women are more fascinated in knowing where your head is at; I mean the one on your shoulders. I'm in no way supporting the argument that men are more sexual beings than women. That is a big misconception and I'll prove it in my future writings. What's safer to say is that women are always conscious of their place in a man's life and would use communication to determine just that. You see, this is where you get to set apart the men from the boys. Men are able to control themselves just enough to offer you reassurance, support and friendship. As opposed to boys in an adult male body, they're most concerned with the colour of your underwear, being all over you then dropping you like the newest single on the top one hundred chart. On the other hand, there are the ladies who don't initiate intimacy or a "quickie" or anything concerning sex. She's ALL talk and no play. Fellas this is definitely an insecurity and confidence issue so it's important to show your spouse the reasons why you enjoy her and her body. If she needs fashion help, mention something you'll love to see her in and Ladies, pay attention!
• Intentions untold - Now there is a difference between pre-empting, being honest and assuming. Those three things can make or break a relationship, that's why the one you should always practice is honesty. Before you decide to be in a relationship; date. Say what? Isn't dating and being in a relationship, the same thing? Uh, hell no! Dating is collecting data about the other person. It's friendship on the level of liking each other and more so, it's figuring out things about the person that you like and things you can not tolerate. Dating is also the place where a man is supposed to let you know that he's ready for a relationship with you and to be committed. Men are chasers and they know what they want, when they work to get you, they know it's their responsibility to keep you. Never assume that you're going be together and don't pre-empt his next move. If a man intends to marry you, let him tell you on his own and don't ask him about it either. Just keep a mental note of how long your willing to date and wait for him to say he's ready for a committed relationship. If you need me to be more direct, you don't need more than one year to date. Time is of the essence and never allow men to waste your time, they don't take a long time to know what they want.

These are some of the things people look away from in relationships and marriage. There's always more than what meets the eye but it takes persistence to gain the desired result. A great idea would be to bring up these topics in a conversation with the person you're dating and you'd end up being better informed about the person you might be spending a lifetime with.

Written by:

Drishna Gibson.

Blogger & Author.

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