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7 Ways to bring the Fire back to your Marriage.

The old chant says "First comes love then comes marriage, and then comes the baby in a baby carriage". This childish banter still exists but it's becoming clearer to me, that some people take it into Adulthood and marriage is seen as just that - "Marriage" and then the rest. It is no lie that marriage isn't easy and although difficulties will arise from time to time, we must understand when and how to revive the relationship. A marriage will face the battle of financial stress, infidelity, lies and abuse but after determining the desire to stay together, it takes resilience to save a marriage. Of course, counselling is always advised but after you leave the Marriage Counselor, then what?
After gathering information over time, many things stood out to me as to why we have so many failed marriages and unhappy unions. A general overview shows that a lot of couples have lost their desire to put effort into the marriage either because they've become uninterested, or their marriage has morphed into a duty. After a while, the result is always two broken individuals and a broken marriage can only produce a broken family and broken family evolves into a defragmented society. Guess what, marriage is beautiful but it isn't the adjective that makes it beautiful; it is the willingness of both parties to make marriage exciting and euphoric. Here are some tips to make it happen.

One: Communicate Freely- Several things can cause a glitch in communication and most times a spouse may start appearing to be intimidating. How ever uncomfortable it might be, remember that you didn't marry a beast and an effort most be made to secure a conversation that will allow feelings to be shared. It's also important to not enter into a mode complaining. Information is better processed when it is forthright, followed by a request. Instead of saying "You're making me feeling this way when you...", say "I've realized that I've grown uncomfortable speaking to you about... I need you to understand that I am...". That approach will break the barrier and inculcate a habit of asking how each other is doing and feeling. In marriage, having a conversation should never be a chore  but rather, an eager want for information. It's how intimacy develops. To benefit from a satisfying sex life, communication must be on point, fluent and frequent because our partners are not mind readers. In intimacy, there's no room for apprehension concerning our need to be satisfied in a certain manner at any given time. Not all fantasies ought to remain as such.

Two: Exchange compliments- Never slight the opportunity to make your spouse feel good. Compliments are also acts of endearment which allows room for a marriage to expand in genuineness and confidence. There will always be things that you admire about your spouse. It can be what they're wearing, a new hair do, their scent and even their cooking. In marriage, compliments can bring great reward and when a compliment is extended to the bedroom, there shall be fireworks. There's absolutely nothing wrong with letting your husband know that his penis worked magic in a position you did last night and guys, there is nothing wrong in saying to your wife that the thing she did with her tongue, sent you over the edge.

Three: Practice Partnership Teamwork- As mentioned before, marriage is not a duty but it comes with responsibility. A home can not function with out order and finances and they both have to be conquered by teamwork. I've realized that most younger married couples have cultivated a practiced rule that draws a line about splitting all bills in half and chores according to gender. I believe that we've got a few things twisted. A man is the head of his home and that Biblical truth admonishes husbands to take care of his wife and home. However; if the wife in her good judgement, offers to pay a couple of bills as her responsibility then so be it, after all, she is the help mate. In chores, there must be a united effort to get them done and executed without feeling stressed. I am not saying that a husband must always assist in cooking but at least, if the wife is handling the cooking assist by doing some laundry at the same time. This type of teamwork builds harmony in a marriage and creates a pocket of time for shared relaxation.

Four: Sexy little things- An uninterested partner, is a partner waiting on the right time to cheat. As adults, we are more than capable in being honest with ourselves when it comes to appearance. If you're looking in the mirror and you are not in someway attracted to yourself then most likely, your partner is also finding difficulty doing the same. I don't mean to be harsh but physical attraction will always be a key factor in a marriage. I am aware that there are people who are definitely stuck in a fashion rut but there are also other people, who've become complacent in their marriage and could care less about keeping up appearances. If physical attraction is lukewarm then the intimacy and sex- life will be like cooking with out fire. Transforming yourself depends on your persistence to always look good and going the extra mile to demand your spouse's attention. It might be matching underwear, a rose path from the front door to the tub, placing a sexy note in your husband's pocket or even a surprise appearance with delectable things underneath.

Five: The Bedroom or Not?- If there was such a thing as a Sex Bible, it would never state that sex should remain in the bedroom but guess what, there's no such thing. I know that there are some stereotypes but we're human and we get bored. Though love making in the bedroom can be explosive, it's time we become sexually adventurous in our marriage and take things up a notch. Taking sex outside of the bedroom affords us the benefit of different lighting, positioning and leverage. The thrill of spontaneity during the act of sex causes a desire and anticipation for the next occasion. You'd be surprised of how expressive you've become and climaxing is no longer a hidden treasure.

Six: Be the Explorer- A baffling discovery shocked me when I found out that the majority of couples are shy in bed. Shy to the point of not being fully present during the experience, just to avoid making the other person uncomfortable. Forgive me if my perception might be wrong but it is my view that when you marry someone, their body is a garden that you're allowed to fully explore and vice versa. I'm not saying that people are not touching every part but are they caressing to the point of bringing pleasure to the area or are they being too eager to move on? This is how we can break that curse whether single or married; never keep a clock in your bedroom. Times of intimacy and intercourse should never be rushed so take your time and learn your partners body and reactions. Enjoy what you see, feel, smell and taste; that is sensory overload.


Seven: Unexpected gifts- We all love receiving gifts but how many of us enjoy giving them? Unexpected gifts are the perfect way to let your other half know that you're thinking about him/ her. We must never forget to show appreciation to the other person because you never know how they might be feeling on that day and gifts always bring a smile. You don't have to break your budget. A gift on a regular day can be chocolate and a pair of lacy underwear. Whatever tickles your fancy or would convey a cute little message, it would add the bit of spice you're looking for.



Written by:
Drishna Gibson
Blogger & Author.
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